ABCs of MWPP
by Trinity Day
Summary: [A collection of 26 standalone MWPP gen stories] E is for Enough: When Sirius burnt the letter, he thought that was it. His friends beg to differ.
1. A is for Abattoir

First, some explanatory notes.

This is a series of MWPP ficlets, each one prompted by a word starting with a different letter of the alphabet. I am not going to admit how long ago this idea has been percolating in my head because it's a little embarrassing. Let's just say I'm looking at my harddrive and realizing that if I don't start posting, I might never. On the plus side, each one is contained and stands on its own merit.

These ficlets range from several hundred to several thousand words long. They are all gen. The only relationships alluded to will be canon ones, ie, Lily/James, but there will not be a romantic focus. The ratings fall between G/K and PG-13/T. Some will be humorous (hopefully), some serious, all of them about equally split between the different boys as main characters, set during all seven years at Hogwarts, plus the few years they had together after school finished. Since I started them all out of order, there might be concentrations of certain people or moods in the final order.

* * *

**The Sticking Place**

Later, Sirius said it was fucking ironic that the Death Eaters chose a slaughterhouse for the confrontation. Remus corrected him, saying their fight actually took place in cold storage. James took them both to task for taking it so lightly. People had died. They were better than that.

Peter didn't point out they'd all sung a different tune when they'd come across the bodies or when they realized they weren't alone in the building, whatever word they decided best described it. Peter didn't say anything at all. He didn't want to talk about it.

He didn't want to think about it.

It was cold in the warehouse, cold enough that Peter kept wanting to blow on his fingers or stuff them into his pockets, but he had to keep his wand at the ready. He wished he'd worn a heavily cloak that day, hadn't only because it was warmer outside than it had any right to be on a late spring day.

The others worn masks, as they always did, but Peter thought he recognized a few. Bellatrix Lestrange was usually easy to spot, being one of the few females on their side. She immediately sought out Sirius to duel, another giveaway.

Aubrey Wilkes favoured the _Confringo_ Curse. Peter was sure it was him who sent one towards Edgar Bones, hit dead flesh rather than living when Edgar ducked out of the way in time, sending frozen hunks of animal carcass flying, hitting both of them. It didn't keep either of them down long. Nothing ever did.

The one in front of Peter, he couldn't place, but the Death Eater obviously recognized him, for the curses he cast kept hitting above Peter's head. Peter returned the favour by aiming for dead pigs just to his right.

But the relative safety couldn't keep for long. Things got even more chaotic when, out of the corner of his eyes, Peter noticed the formerly stationary objects starting to move. He didn't know who had hit them with what, didn't have time to think to figure it out. He began to fire indiscriminately, hoping that he would be able to Stupefy the animated carcasses. His spell got tangled with other ones springing across the warehouse and he didn't know if it had any effect.

James gave him a fright, half-hid in the shadows so Peter couldn't even see if there was a mask on his face. His wand-work had changed since Hogwarts, the movements more conservative than before. He had always wanted to be as flashy as possible, but the Death Eaters weren't likely to be impressed, not even if the spell was especially tricky. James just didn't have it in him anymore to put that extra effort into something that didn't help keep someone alive.

Recognizing him at the last second, James was too late to stop the words from falling from his lips, but not too late to jerk his hand up. Peter fell to the floor anyway, not trusting James to avoid cursing him. He did take the offered hand and let James pull him back to his feet, moving them both out of the way as one of the carcasses did a jerky skitter inches past them.

"You all right?" James asked, but his eyes were already scanning the room to find the foes amidst the distractions, his attention gone from Peter the second he realized his friend hadn't been hit.

"I'm fine," Peter said dully, wondering how quickly he could get away from James. James was a target; Peter didn't want to be.

But James was already charging off. He had seen Lily across the way, a bright splash of colour in the otherwise dull backdrop. Peter just wished it was her hair that attracted attention instead of the vivid streak of blood running down her face.

Peter didn't even get the chance to see if she was okay, for someone in a mask started firing at him. He ducked at the exact same time one of the carcasses jolted in front of him, taking the brunt of the blast. The spell bore a hole in it, enough to make it shudder and slow, but not enough to keep it from moving through the warehouse with all the other mindless slabs of meat.

He thought he could recognize the Death Eater that had attacked him. Peter wondered if Slaymaker did it on purpose, if it was his way of helping Peter without letting the rest of the Order know what he was doing. Or if he really didn't care that he and Peter were on the same side, if he was really trying to hurt Peter.

That didn't last long. The pig gave one final quiver before settling back down into its dead state. Peter dove down beside it, taking what protection it offered him while Slaymaker continued to fire. Peter felt like a fool for even considering that he might be trying to help, however underhanded that help might be. Using his own wand again, he made sure all the spells were defensive ones. He had several choices: getting out of here alive or getting out of here having hurt someone else and facing the wrath. Of Voldemort or of the Order, he wasn't sure.

"_Protego_!"

The shield wasn't as good as Remus' or even Lily's, but it was better than Sirius' or James'. Sirius never cared much for defensive spells and James had never needed to use them until he'd left Hogwarts and entered the Order. Once, being better at something than James and Sirius would have been the pinnacle of Peter's existence. Now it did nothing.

"_Confringo_!"

Through a minor miracle, Peter actually heard those words and was able to process them in time to pull his shield in closer. There was a small explosion and Peter smelled smoke but his defences held.

"You have to use something stronger!"

The shout was in his left ear, coming from entirely too close behind him, and Peter twirled around, making sure to keep up his shield. It knocked Remus over, but he wasn't upset about that.

Off in another corner, Peter heard Bellatrix shriek. He wondered a bit about recognizing her, but her shrill voice had always been distinctive, even before he got to know her better. Sirius' distinctive bark laughter came two seconds later, but both of them were swallowed up by the rest of the chaos before Peter could make out what was going on there.

Remus was still on the ground, slightly stunned. Peter hesitated before holding out his hand to help Remus up again. Remus responded by knocking a stray Impediment Jinx out of the way.

There were more spells aimed at him when he was with someone else, but Peter couldn't decide if two made an easier target than one, or if most of the Death Eaters actually recognized him and let him be when he was on his own. Either way, the barrage was too much and he and Remus took cover behind one of the dead-again carcasses, backs against the cold, bloodless skin.

"Defensive isn't going to work here," Remus said, almost sounding like he was back in school, a prefect lecturing the second years on the importance of watching where they were going if they didn't want to get stuck in a false step or other such boobytrap set by bored poltergeists, not under heavy fire in one of the worst fights of their lives.

"I'm going to hit someone!" Peter cried. He bit his tongue immediately, but the damage was already done.

"You're going to get hit if you don't!" Remus yelled.

"This isn't—" Peter wasn't sure what it was or wasn't.

"Peter, this isn't Hogwarts! Sluggy won't give you a detention if you curse them! They are trying to kill us! Do you understand that? They are trying to kill us!" cried Remus.

He uncrouched from their hiding spot and shouted something that Peter couldn't make out over the din, not even from two feet away, not even after their opponent was knocked back, tripping over one of the many dead animals that now littered the floor. Peter knew he should recognize what Remus had just done but the image and the words and the results just wouldn't line up in his mind. Everyone was yelling, casting spells and crying out in pain. It all melded together until Peter was dizzy.

It was then that he noticed the red interspersed with the green, the black, the rents in the air where the eyes couldn't make sense of colour or shape. Whose wand it originated from, Peter didn't know. Probably someone on his side, he thought, before remembering that both sides were his.

He had always been good at _Stupefy_, had favoured the Stunning Spell, growing up, because of its power. Perfectly legal. Lauded, even. And just as deadly, if used properly.

"What are you waiting for?" Remus shouted, still standing, trying to finish the Death Eater off.

A shot of green hit the pig he was hiding behind; it did nothing.

_Stupefy_ would be just as deadly today. If he hit an Order member, the jig was up. If he hit a Death Eater, they would be captured. Too many here today would sell him out if given the chance.

"Peter!" Remus shouted again.

The spells were coming more rapidly now. One concussive force knocked a chunk out of the pig, knocking Peter over with it.

He just prayed he wouldn't hit an ally.

He wondered if he would know if he did.

He couldn't stall any longer.

Peter screwed his eyes closed and fired.


	2. B is for Bat

**Feast of Fools**

Their Hogsmeade haul was arranged in careful piles between Sirius and James, who were sprawled out on James' bed much more carelessly than the sweets they'd purchased.

"You went to Honeydukes without me!" Peter cried in dismay when he and Remus arrived back at their room. "Why would you do that?"

"Can you blame us?" Sirius asked. When the frown on Remus' face clearly said that yes, he could, he barrelled ahead before they could vocalize their protest, explaining, "It was a constant stream of 'Wow, look at how neat Hogsmeade is! Can you believe they have owls here? It's a good thing I've never been here before and have no idea what it looks like.' Bloody annoying."

"And bloody obvious," James added, unwrapping a Chocolate Frog and tossing the card to Peter.

Peter's face was already red from being ditched, but it got ruddier still even as he fumbled to catch the card and shove it into his pocket without even looking at who it was. "You know it was supposed to be our first trip there. We would get in so much trouble if anyone found out we'd snuck out there before."

"The only reason we might give anyone reason to suspect we'd been there before was because you were being so obvious about it," said Sirius.

"You could have at least asked us to quiet down," said Remus, pretty magnanimously considering he hadn't been the one causing the problem. That was all Peter and his over-acting. "Or told us that you were taking off."

"Instead of just _disappearing_!" Peter said. "We spent the whole afternoon looking for you."

"Why'd you do something stupid like that?" asked Sirius because he wasn't going to let Peter make him feel guilty for ruining his and Remus' Hogsmeade trip, not when Sirius' actions had saved his owned from being likewise ruined. "We had a perfectly marvellous afternoon, hit Honeydukes _and_ Zonko's."

"We didn't know where you went or what happened to you," said Remus, quietly. Apparently, James was a softer touch than Sirius, since he looked down at the pile of sweets they'd brought back and bit his lower lip.

"We bought some for you. Help yourself," James said, pushing the pile of sweets towards the other boys.

That was enough to make Peter finally shut up and stop scowling. He was already reaching for the pile of sweets when he pulled up short, the frown returning.

"Are those—what flavour—you can't trick me!" He was pointing at the distinctive red lollipops laying next to the Chocolate Frogs.

Sirius snatched them up. "Those aren't for you," he said

Remus sighed at all this. "Do I even want to know what you're planning on doing? Or is it best to just try to act surprise and deny everything when Professor McGonagall starts demanding answers?"

"Have more faith," said Sirius. "These are for me."

"No they aren't," Peter argued, a stubborn tilt to his mouth as if to prove that he was not going to let himself be tricked.

"They are," James piped in.

"Why do you have them, then?" Remus asked to forestall the argument.

"I figure I might as well get used to the taste," said Sirius, then shared a significant glance with James when Remus and Peter looked nonplussed at the explanation. James decided to take pity on their less brilliant roommates.

"He's decided to turn into a bat when we get the Animagus spell down. The blood-flavoured lollipops are to prepare for that."

"It'll be great. That way we can both be creatures of the night.," said Sirius, enthusiastically. He raised his arm, draping it across the lower half of his face so that only his eyes peaked out. "I vant to suck your blood.".

For once, there was no hint of the concern or gratitude that usually fought for dominance on Remus' face when they brought up their plans for helping him deal with the werewolf problem. Instead, he continued to look skeptical. "Er... I'm pretty sure you can't choose a vampire for your Animagus form."

"Vampire _bat_," James corrected quickly. "It's a real animal. And I'm pretty sure it drinks blood, too, at least the weird ones from South America do."

"And if I'm going to be a bat, I'm going to be a blood-sucking bat," said Sirius, because otherwise what was the point.

"So eat up," said James, happily, pushing one of the lollipops into Sirius' face.

But Remus hadn't budged. "Er..." he hesitated again. "You also know you don't get to _choose_ what form of Animagus you are, right?"

James made a sound like a high-pitched whine and flopped over so that right arm and knee hung off the bed. "Why did you tell him that? I had him convinced eating enough blood-flavoured lollipops would help psych him for the transformation."

"You did not," said Sirius. "I knew you don't get to choose."

He answered swiftly and decisively so that the others wouldn't doubt that he'd known James' plans the entire time and had just been humouring him. But they were supposed to be best mates and James was presenting too tempting a target, so he kicked out to push him onto the floor. James fell with a sound that might have been a cry of pain or it might have been a snigger of laughter, Sirius didn't care to decide. With some dignity, he twirled the lollipop around in his fingers as if bored.

"I was only going to eat it to trick Peter into eating the Cockroach Clusters," he continued. "Really, Remus, did you have to go and ruin all of our fun?"

"Why would I eat a Cockroach Cluster?" Peter's face was going to permanently stay that shade of red at this rate. Sirius supposed it was a good show of House pride.

"Because that's what toads eat," said Sirius. His answer did nothing to calm Peter down.

"Why would I want to eat what a toad eats?" He was even louder than before.

"Did you really waste your money on Cockroach Clusters?" asked Remus.

In answer, Sirius fished out the packets from the smallest pile and tossed them, one at Remus and one at Peter. James had rolled himself so he was now seated on the floor beside the bed, only his head peeking out, so Sirius threw a Chocolate Frog at him for good measure, failing to get it to bounce down the back of his robe like he was aiming to do, but hitting him with a pretty good thwack behind the ears nonetheless.

"It's not a waste of money," said James, throwing the frog back at Sirius, who easily ducked out of the way.

"I don't think you're going to convince anyone in this room to eat them _now_," said Remus dryly.

"So?" said Sirius after dismissing the idea that he should prove Remus wrong by popping open the lollipop right then and there. He wasn't entirely sure it would convince the other boy that he knew what he was doing all along, nor did he think he'd have any luck with his new plan to get Peter to eat his sweets in a show of camaraderie. "There are plenty of people at the school who aren't in this room right now."

"You might as well say that we wasted our money buying the Acid Pops or Bubble Blast." James named a brand of exploding chewing gum.

"You bought..." Remus trailed off, shaking his head. "Of course you bought."

James turned his head, sharing an evil grin that Sirius was sure was identical to the one on his own face. "Gentlemen, please allow us to present: Plan B."

"We did have loads of time to think about it after we left you in Hogsmeade. Pull up a chair, help yourself to a Chocolate Frog," Sirius added, unwrapping one himself. "This is going to be fun."


	3. C is for Cauldron

**Tried and True**

"I'm telling you, we should just stick with a Dungbomb in his cauldron," Peter said.

He was sick of the argument, sick of the way it caused Sirius to jump up and down, James to pace back and forth, Remus to scurry from book to book, and himself to feel even hotter just watching all their frenetic activity. They were already facing an unseasonable heat wave and while Peter wanted to get back at Snivellus as much as the next man (even when that next man was Sirius) he also wanted to not die from heat exhaustion. They had been planning the perfect prank for what seemed like hours now, but despite not coming up with any alternatives, no one was willing to listen to Peter's perfectly reasonable suggestion.

"We did that last time," said Sirius, derisively. Peter didn't think it fair that Sirius always vetoed his ideas.

"And the time before," James chimed in.

"And you both thought it was a brilliant idea then," Peter pointed out, a little sourly. If Sirius or James had come up with it again this time, they wouldn't be having this argument. But no, he was the one to suggest it first, so therefore they couldn't leave the stuffy castle to go dip their feet in the lake or find a nice shady spot under some trees to cool off.

"We didn't all think it was a brilliant idea," Remus said. In fact, he had argued that it was disruptive and would get them all into trouble, just as he had an hour earlier when James decided that they were due to prank Snape again. But Remus never did more than voice a token objection before delving into the matter with almost as much enthusiasm as James or Sirius.

Frankly, Peter thought they'd already reached perfection and it was too sticky out to bother with changing a working formula.

"What's best is if we find something that is only slightly off from what we're actually working on," Remus said thoughtfully. "That way it'll look as if Snape made a mistake."

"How about adding some Octopus Powder?" James suggested. "All that does is strengthen the potion, increase the reaction. Very natural way to make it look like he messed up."

"Won't work," Sirius said, shaking his head ruefully. "We're using Flobberworm Mucus and the two null each other out. Besides, I'm not sure I agreed to make it look like an accident. Where's the fun if he doesn't know it was us that did it?"

"We're trying to avoid detention, Sirius," Remus said, patiently. "Exams are soon and then there's…"

He bit his lips, never wanting to say the words out loud.

"Your furry little problem," James supplied, _sotto voce_.

"Precisely," Remus said.

"I think we don't need Sluggy to know what we did, we just need Snivellus, right?" Peter asked. "And won't he? I mean, isn't he just stuck up enough to believe he couldn't do any wrong? So if anything goes wrong, even if it wasn't us—or at least, even if it didn't seem like it was us to the teachers, he'd still blame us, wouldn't he?"

They stopped to think about that for a second. A brilliant smile spread over James' face and he thumped Peter's back in congratulations. "Good point, Pete!" he crowed.

Peter tried not to blush at the praise, which was very rare. But then he ruined it all by pushing his luck.

"But couldn't we just get the same result from a Dungbomb? They dissolve, don't they?"

Sirius groaned. "Not that again. And here I thought you might have an original idea in your head for once, but then you go and ruin it. No, we are not throwing in a Dungbomb. We're too good for that."

"We weren't too good for that last time," Peter muttered.

"There has to be something that's better," Remus muttered. "How about adding dragon scales? Wouldn't they react with the fairy wings?"

Remus was only marginally better at Potions than Peter, so Peter let the others answer.

"It does. I suppose," James said, drawing out the words longer than necessary instead of just snapping that Remus was wrong. "But it's not really what we're looking at. It'll just sort of… bubble over. I mean, yes, it'll be hot as hell, and yes, Snivellus' skin will erupt in boils—"

"Not that anyone would be able to tell," Sirius interjected. "Probably be an improvement, in fact."

James continued on without acknowledging the insult. "—but really, where is the genius of it? Boils are boring. We need something… bigger."

"Better," Sirius added.

"More complicated," Peter said, and when they started nodding in agreement, he tried to school his expression so that they'd believed he was getting into the spirit of the game, not complaining.

"Fine," Remus agreed. "But if not boils, then what? Perhaps we'd be better off deciding what we want to occur and then working backwards to see what we need to accomplish it."

"Well, it'll have to be something embarrassing," James said slowly.

"Which is a hard thing to do," Sirius added, "what with Snivellus being so slimy. All the normal things we might do to his hair or face could only be an improvement."

Peter wondered how much faster their planning process would go if they didn't stop to insult Snape every three seconds, but then realized that such a thing would probably result in more detentions (since they never gave serious consideration on how to keep themselves from being caught) and wondered if he should throw in an insult or two to keep them off track a bit longer.

Really, it was too hot to think. Maybe if they got caught up in insulting the Slytherin, they would forget about this whole planning in advance thing and go after him right now. Peter was sure that Snape would be smart enough to be outside, where there was probably a breeze to help break the stifling heat.

The real question was, what to insult. Sirius had already claimed hair and face, so Peter would have to get a little more creative than that, which was a shame because he always scored points by mentioning what a greasy slimeball Snape was.

His ears? No, that would just be weird. For all his other faults, Snape's ears were perfectly normal, in so far as Peter paid attention to people ears.

And his grades… well, Peter knew better than to throw stones when it came to school work. Had Snape actually been here, it would be one thing, but once their rival was out of sight, Sirius often forgot all about the rules of solidarity and would just as soon make fun of Peter's smarts.

Finally, he settled on an insult, one that he was certain would do nicely.

"We might as well just add a gland of a striped polecat, that way no one will be able to tell whether the stench comes from his cauldron or from Snape himself, not with how often he washes up."

The others were giving him strange looks, and Peter wanted to know why.

"Ye-es," James said, stretching the word out for two syllables, "I'm not sure he would even notice the difference if we changed the password on the prefect bathroom, but as we've already decided on upping the puffer-fish eyes to see if we can't induce the side effects, I don't know why you're bringing it up."

Oh. He'd missed that. Perhaps he should have been paying more attention.

"I'm almost afraid to hear him sing with that voice of his, but then I remember our pain will be his embarrassment and…"

Sirius was the only person Peter knew that could shrug smugly.

Peter could only guess that an irrational desire to burst into song was the side effect they were referring to, but didn't want to ask. It was hard to pay attention when they were going on about what would react best to rose oil, or what caused a griffin's claw to alert someone to poison. It was bad enough when it was the professors talking and those things were going to be on exams. Peter had better things to memorize than how to do things _wrong_. He'd learnt that lesson after second year, when during exams he'd accidentally put eels eyes into his potion, not only giving him failing marks, but also cluing Slughorn into the fact that they had been the ones responsible for the plague of bulging eyes during dinner a month earlier.

None of the others had appreciated the detention Peter had earned them after exams were over.

No, after that disaster, Peter had decided to stick to the classics—for example, he would never accidentally add a Dungbomb during a test—and play the distraction. Which he was sure he would be relegated to, when the others were finished planning.

He was right. Unfortunately, as he also wasn't too surprised to learn, it involved him messing up his potion, loudly and messily.

"But I can't mess up my potion, I need the marks," he protested.

"But no one will believe it if Prongs and I mess up our potion," Sirius said, imitating Peter's cadence just enough that he knew he was being mocked.

"Sorry, Pete," Remus said with some real sympathy. "But he has a point. If Padfoot and Prongs mess up just seconds before Snivellus does—well, everyone will suspect that we had a hand in it. And we can't have that, can we?"

Peter knew there was no way to win this argument, so he just gave in to the inevitable and let the others continue to plan while he tried to keep still and not die of heat exhaustion.

By the time Potions came around a few days later, everything was set. Remus had written down step-by-step instructions, narrowing the timing down to the second. They had run through the scenario twice, with James and Sirius each taking a turn at playing the part of Snape, shrieking unmanly and cursing his clever and handsome Gryffindor foes for pulling one over on him _again_.

("I thought we weren't going to let anyone know it was us? I can't have detention this close to exams." "Wormtail, of course everyone will _know_ it is us, they just won't be able to _prove_ it. What would the point be, otherwise?")

They had gone over every possibility, ("Quick, what do you do if Slughorn notices you doubling up on the ingredients?" "That's easy, I just look down at the book and do a doubletake, pretending I mixed it up with the amount of flabbergasted leeches"), come up with contingencies for if Slughorn decided to work ahead in the textbook and called for them to make Fothergill's Remedy instead ("That's when we double up on puffer-fish eyes, right?" "No, we double up on puffer-fish eyes if all is going _well_. If we switch potions, that's when we add extra Octopus Powder. _Honestly_, Wormtail!") or if Snape moved from his usual cauldron to one across the room ("I'm not the star of the Gryffindor Quidditch team for no reason"). Peter had even slipped a cheatsheet up the sleeves of his robes, not that he told the others about it lest they tease him. By the end of it, he was starting to believe that this would actually work.

It didn't.

Four days of doing nothing but plan for every contingency imaginable found Sirius sitting on top of the desk, absent-mindedly swinging his feet, in a surprisingly good mood considering how awfully they'd failed.

"I've been thinking about it, but I haven't yet decided where it was, exactly, we went wrong," he announced to the others.

"Do you think it might have to do with a plan that required three steps even before we went into the classroom?" Peter asked. He might not have been so bold except everything that had happened clearly hadn't been his fault; not even Sirius could try to get him to accept culpability this time.

"No, and shut it," Sirius said, still mild. "Maybe it was the moly root. Should have remembered it was that volatile."

"That explosion was rather messy," Remus agreed, "and, erm, painful. Next time would you please try not to aim it my way?"

"That was an accident," James said as he had been saying ever since they'd gone to collect Remus in the Hospital Wing after Potions class. "Believe it or not, I'm not actually good at directing exploding potions."

"Which is why we usually require the aid of Dr. Filibuster when looking for precision in our destruction," Sirius said impatiently. "Yes, yes, Moony, you've got to let it go."

"Let it go? That's rich. It wasn't me who spent an entire week after being released from the Hospital Wing whinging about a little sprained wrist now, was it?"

"Hey, it wasn't just a sprained wrist and you know that Pomfrey wouldn't let me go back to practice for two days and we were less a week away the match against Hufflepuff and you _know_ they have uncommonly good Beaters," James protested at the same time Sirius said, "And I told Prongs the same thing I'm telling you now. It happened, it was an accident, no one wants to hear it."

"In any case," Remus said dryly, his tone promising that whilst he might have moved on for the moment, he wasn't going to forgive and forget for at least a week, "when I exploded, that was just the point where all hell broke loose. No, things began to go wrong much earlier than that."

"You think we should have just stopped after that first explosion?" asked James.

"That shouldn't even be a question," said Remus at almost the exact same time as Sirius said, "I can't believe you would doubt—"

They both stopped and looked at each other. Remus sighed.

"No, Sirius," he said, enunciating the words as clearly as if he were talking to a three-year old who didn't understand why putting a hand into a fire that wasn't green was a bad idea and would result in a painful burn, "I know that my blowing up didn't help the situation any, but you still had to know claiming there was a mixup in the potion ingredients was just asking for trouble. Riots are usually _not_ considered a good idea and we most definitely should _not_ consider doing something that would start one again. Ever."

"But you have to admit, the very fact that people listened to me even after all these years of knowing better is something that ought to be exploited," said Sirius.

"You have to admit, mate," said James, elbowing Sirius in a friendly manner that Peter would never be able to get away with, "we will exploit it, but a mixup with the potions ingredients was probably not your best idea."

"Half them thought you'd done the mixing up, anyway, which is why they were so willing to believe it," Remus interjected.

"And starting that brawl after…" James trailed off. "Well, next time let's wait until at least the professor has left the room, alright?"

"Regardless, I've been thinking about this a lot, because _some of us_ like to learn from our mistakes—"

Sirius didn't cut in, but he did roll his eyes.

"And I've come to the conclusion that where it went all wrong was when we insisted on carrying on even after Slughorn told us there was a mistake in the book and that the recipe we'd been basing everything on was wrong. I know you don't like waiting, but we can always put it off until next time if the odds are stacked up against us so badly," said Remus. "So let's call that a lesson learned and move onto better things in the future."

"Do you know what's better than learning from your mistakes?" asked Peter. "Not changing a good thing in the first place."

"Just because you have no imagination," said Sirius, who knew exactly what Peter was referring to.

"Just because I don't want to mess with what works!" Peter interrupted. "And do you know what works? Do you know what has been proven time and time again? What does Slughorn try to drill into us, if we can't replicate the potion, we don't get the marks? Well, guess what I can replicate? If I throw a Dungbomb into his cauldron, I can teach Snivellus Snape a lesson that he would never forget, even if he is a creepy, rotten, good-for-nothing Slytherin who can't remember something as basic as what soap is used for."

He was breathing heavily by the time he'd finished his rant. The others were staring at him, but only Remus was showing any alarm over the outburst. "What's the matter with you?" Peter demanded.

"Plenty, Pettigrew. But I suspect they are, as I am, waiting for you to continue."

Peter didn't let out a yelp, but he couldn't stop himself from jumping, just a bit. He was just glad his back was to the door so Snape couldn't see how wide his eyes had gone. He hadn't heard the Slytherin boy enter the classroom, but judging by the manic grin gracing Sirius' face, he had and let Peter dig the hole regardless.

"Sn—Snape," Peter stammered out, only remembering at the last minute that he shouldn't be calling him 'Snivellus' not when they were in detention and Sirius was smiling like he wasn't going to stand up for Peter unless things got really bad.

"Pettigrew. I believe you were saying something about how you would 'teach me a lesson that I wouldn't forget','" said Snape, his voice low and menacing.

"A Dungbomb, I believe," Sirius said. Peter wasn't sure what he'd done to offend his roommate recently, but whatever it was, he'd have to find some way to make it up to Sirius soon if this is how he was going to react. "In his cauldron."

At least James got to his feet and stood beside Peter. Remus did too, after a brief glance to the ceiling. But then, Peter could always count on Remus even if he had spent the entire week not getting over getting blown up. Only when Snape put his hand on his wand did Sirius stop portraying a bored air and draw his own wand.

It was a good thing that Slughorn entered the class when he did. A duel would have broken out before much longer if things were allowed to continue on.

"Oh good, you're all here," he said, too cheerfully for someone who was spending their Saturday night hosting detention. "Well, there's no sense in wasting time. We're running low on stink toad powder so I need you to prepare it. Take a toad, gut and behead it, dry it and then crush into powder. Do you remember the necessary spell? _Desicco_ to dry them out. The rest you'll have to do by hand. Don't mind the smell, boys."

Peter groaned, quietly so that no one heard. The last time they'd been caught throwing a Dungbomb in a cauldron, detention had consisted of sorting doxy eggs into small, medium and large, work that was mind-numbingly easy, could be done with a wand when the professor wasn't looking and, above all, didn't require him to spend the entire evening trying to breath through his mouth to filter out the stench.

Some things were classics for a reason.


	4. D is for Dust

**Another Night, Like Any Other**

The dust made Remus sneezed.

"Gesundheit," Peter said, just as he had the last dozen times Remus had sneezed.

"You don't have to come with us," Sirius offered carelessly. Remus knew he was still smarting from Remus being made prefect and the one minute of subsequent lunacy when he'd suggested that maybe, just maybe, they might consider toning it down this year. Just a smidgen. Only, they had OWLS to worry about and it wouldn't do to spend all their study time in detention. As they had the past two years.

"Shut up, Sirius," James said, not even looking up from the stack of books he was sorting through.

"We're all in this together," Peter piped in, somewhat unnecessarily since if Sirius hadn't taken James' criticism to heart it was very unlikely he would listen to anything Peter had to say on the matter at all, but Remus appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.

"Besides, we only have one Portkey back to Hogsmeade," James added, tossing yet another useless tome aside. "So all of us are here until we're finished."

Sirius got that old gleam in his eye, the one that Remus had long ago learned to dread. "What do you suppose would happen if a prefect went missing for the weekend?" Obviously he wasn't nearly as placated as Remus had originally hoped.

"I suppose there would be hell to pay," Remus said evenly.

"Come off it," James said impatiently. "Or is it your heart that's not into it? Maybe it's you who wants to go back to Hogwarts and give up altogether."

That got to Sirius, so much so he forgot to argue—rightly—that he was always the first in the fray and even if it wasn't originally his idea (though Remus couldn't be sure of that anymore; no one could remember who deserved that credit now) he'd been labouring as hard as anyone else for the past three years, forsaking schoolwork and risking permanent faulty transfiguration for this project. Instead, he stopped trying to bait the others and threw himself on the floor beside James, attacking the stack of books with an intensity that often surprised people who didn't know Sirius as anything more than a carefree troublemaker.

Remus, too, settled in, keeping to himself the thought that once upon a time, he would have faced so much derision for voluntarily studying such heavy material on a Saturday night. After lights out and everything.

They stayed like that for the better part of an hour, the only sound the constant flicking of dry pages—and, of course, Remus' repeated sneezes and Peter's automatic, if distracted, blessings. It wasn't their first free evening spent in this manner and Remus had just about reached the point where he was expecting to still be doing this in between revision sessions for their N.E.W.T.s.

But then, at last, something happened and his world was turned upside down.

"James, Remus, Sirius—I think I've found it," Peter announced excitedly. He held up his book for the others to see. There lay proudly a single word in the headline.

_Animagus_


	5. E is for Enough

**Thicker Than Blood**

Sirius read the letter slowly and carefully. When he finished, he paused for a moment before starting again from the beginning. Both actions were quite unusual for him, so he was glad that he'd had the forethought to make sure all his roommates were away lest they question him.

When he had finished reading the letter for the second time, a quickly muttered "_Incendio_" and a tap with the wand made short work of the parchment, leaving as evidence only a few ashes that the House Elves would clean up within the hour.

Or so he thought.

It took him a few more days to realize that everyone might not be as oblivious as he originally planned.

Remus was the first to notice that something was wrong. When Sirius realized he'd forgotten a book in his trunk during breakfast, Remus offered to go with him to pick it up. Sirius didn't think anything of it until they'd left the Great Hall and Remus asked, "Is there anything I can do?"

"Hurry up, maybe," Sirius said, not understanding what Remus was getting at at first. "Honeybun will skin us alive if we're late for his class again."

Although Remus picked up his pace, he also shook his head, which was when Sirius started to suspect that there was another reason his friend had joined him than just being finished with his meal early.

"No, I mean, well, what I'm trying to ask is, err," he hesitated, looking down at the ground long enough to almost trip over one of the suits of armour, currently posed with its leg sticking out and a casual arm behind its head. He caught himself, but his bag fell open, all his books tumbling out.

"I thought we were in a rush," Remus asked after he'd regained his balance and realized Sirius had stopped, not to help Remus gather his books, but to stare at him suspiciously.

"What is this about?" Sirius asked. He always preferred head-on confrontations to pussyfooting around, which it appeared Remus was going to do if Sirius didn't ask directly.

"You're upset," Remus said, almost coming to the point.

"I left my book and Honeybun—" Sirius tried, but Remus cut him off.

"No, forget about the professor. You've been upset for days. This isn't about school. Is there anything I can do?"

Sirius stared at him for a long moment, long enough that Remus turned his head back down to his bag on the floor even though he'd finished packing it with his fallen stuff. "I can get my book myself. Meet you in class."

He rushed down the halls, but wasn't able to get far enough away fast enough to keep from hearing Remus sigh, loudly.

Peter came next, although once again Sirius didn't realize it at the time. A few days later, while James and Remus were off in the library, Peter came stomping into their room looking like he was about to cry.

"What happened to you?" Sirius asked before looking up and doing a double take. Part of the Peter's tie was missing; he could see the white of his shirt through the gaping hole.

"It was the Slytherins!" he shouted. "Snivellus and his friends. They ambushed me after class."

"And?" Sirius asked when it became apparent that Peter wasn't going to continue. He'd gone back to his book in the meantime and didn't look up again.

"And?" Peter stood there, flummoxed. "And what?"

"That's what I was asking you. Why did you tell me? What do you expect me to do about it?

"Aren't you going to go curse them? Get back at them? They attacked me, Sirius! You can't let them get away with it!"

"Honestly, Peter!" Sirius exploded. "Haven't you learned how to fight your own battles yet? Do you always have to come running to me or James?"

Peter froze for a second before taking his wand and mending his tie. Red and gold strands of thread filled in the gap so it was as good as new. He turned away from Sirius. "You usually like taking revenge on the Slytherins."

He seemed more upset now than he had when he first came into the room, and he left without another word. Sirius began to wonder if, in fact, there had been something more to it, some nuance to the conversation that he had missed.

Remus and Peter's quiet conversation over dinner, the only words Sirius was able to make out for sure being "it didn't work", gave further fuel to his suspicions. The hurried glances towards him that they thought went unnoticed just confirmed it.

It had all been a misguided attempt to cheer him up.

That just put Sirius in a worse mood until even James started sending him worried looks, bombarding him with notes of all sorts during class even after McGonagall yelled and gave him detention.

Sirius took to studying in the library, where they'd never suspect him of being, or finding corners of the dungeons to do his work in.

He didn't want to talk about it.

James finally cornered him three days later after dinner. Sirius had chosen a hidden room in the dungeons below the kitchens that he didn't think the others knew about to hole up in that night but within a few minutes of arriving, the door opened again. There was no one there, or at least it seemed that way at first until James pulled back the hood of his Invisibility Cloak.

"You're an idiot," he said without any preamble.

"Why don't you tell me what you really think?" Sirius retorted. He'd been called much worse. James himself had used worse insults, let alone the ways his family referred to him.

"I gave it a week," James continued, startling Sirius, since he'd been sure that James had only picked up on his mood a few days ago after Remus and Peter had pulled their failed stunt. "I even warned off the others. Oh, they didn't listen, but I was sure that if we left you alone, you'd get out of your funk. You always have before."

Sirius hated hearing that he'd been made a fool of, or worse that he'd failed to fool others when he'd meant to. His face was stony when he spoke next.

"I'm not in a 'funk', you didn't have to 'warn' the others off, I don't know what you're talking about, I just want to be alone."

James plopped himself down on the floor beside Sirius instead. "You hate being alone. This is stupid. What did your family do this time?"

Sirius was flabbergast. It was one thing to find out that he hadn't been able to disguise his mood, but this? "How did you know? I mean, what do you mean, my family? I've been at school; there's nothing they could have done."

James just rolled his eyes at the feeble attempts to throw him off track. "It's always your family. Only they can get you this worked up."

"Well, you're wrong. It wasn't them." Then, realizing he was supposed to be denying that anything had been bothering him, he changed his answer to: "I'm not worked up at all."

"Right." James didn't even give him the benefit of pretending to believe him. "So, do we have to beat up Regulus for you? Take on Bellatrix? Narcissa? Andromeda, even, though she's usually the one you get along with."

"No," Sirius said, wishing James would drop it.

Of course, he didn't.

"Your parents? They'll be harder, but I reckon we can come up with something. Maybe a Howler. Do they sell them to people our age? We can sneak off to the post office at Hogsmeade. Do you think they'll believe we're old enough? Maybe if we skip class; if we're not at Hogwarts, we'd have to be of age, right?"

Sirius doubted that James seriously thought they could pass as seventeen year olds, but he'd let James ramble on anyway, mostly because for once in his life he was at a loss for what to say. But now James seemed to be expecting an answer, so Sirius got his mouth to work again.

"You don't have to do anything!"

James frowned in bemusement. "Of course we do."

"They're my family." Which meant that they were his problem and his responsibility.

"And we're your friends," James pointed out, acting as if that was the answer to the whole mess.

"This has nothing to do with you," Sirius said.

"Did you not just hear me?" asked James. "We're your friends. It has everything to do with us."

"It's my family," Sirius repeated.

James spoke slowly and loudly, as if he were trying to explain something to Peter when he was being particularly dense. Sirius didn't like being on the receiving end of that tone. "Get it through your thick skull, Sirius. We're your friends, we aren't going to abandon you. Who cares if it's your family. It's their loss, if they continue to act that way. Literally, because you're daft if you think we're not going to do something about it."

At the end of his speech, James looked so fierce that Sirius almost laughed. While James and the others were great at showing people at Hogwarts who was who, Sirius couldn't imagine him—or worst, Peter or Remus—going up against his family.

"James, this is my family. You shouldn't have to worry about it. I'll take care of it." He always did.

"You still don't get it, do you? It's not a matter of shouldn't—we have to. Because that's what friends are for. If your family doesn't like it, then tough. We'll be all the family you need."

Sirius' breath caught in his throat, but he tried not to let it show. "I don't know," he said slowly. "I kind of hate my family sometimes. The closest I've come to hating you is when you start snoring loud enough to keep the rest of us awake at night. It's just not the same."

A huge grin of relief broke out over James' face. "Good!" he said, nudging Sirius with a shoulder. "Not that crack about me snoring, not when Remus and Peter will agree that you are louder than a stadium full of Stingers. But the rest of it. Here I thought I was going to have to hit you, or something, to get you to listen."

"I'd like to see you try!"

Just to prove his point, Sirius shoved James, making him fall half-over. James scrambled to recover, but in doing so got caught on the corner of a desk, knocking himself further off-balance. He grabbed hold of Sirius' robes, pulling him down with him.

As it turned into a full-blown wrestling match that didn't stop until Sirius lost a shoe and James' left sleeve was ripped almost in half, Sirius couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, James was right.

* * *

_Like it? Hated it? Have no strong feelings either way but still reached the end? Feel free to drop me a line and let me know. I don't bite and am pretty good at keeping the mackled malaclaws at bay, so you have nothing to fear on either account._


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